


5 times Cas had to heal Dean + 1 time Dean had to heal Cas

by fellshish



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 5 Things, 5 Times, 5+1 Things, American Sign Language, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Dean Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester Mutual Pining, M/M, POV Sam Winchester, Pining, Touch-Starved Dean Winchester, finale? never heard of her, post 15.19
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 16:48:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28410417
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fellshish/pseuds/fellshish
Summary: Dean keeps getting himself hurt just so Cas would touch him, to heal him. It drives Sam and Eileen pretty much crazy.Set after 15x19.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Eileen Leahy/Sam Winchester
Comments: 44
Kudos: 300





	5 times Cas had to heal Dean + 1 time Dean had to heal Cas

1.

  
  


The first time it happens, Sam is reading a book on the history of American Sign Language in the war room. 

His peaceful reading is disturbed when his brother stumbles out of the kitchen, pale as a ghost. 

“Dean?” Cas asks from the book shelf where he’s been rearranging books. The division should be per earth era first and arranged alphabetically only second, according to a very righteous Cas. 

Yes, things _have_ been slow in the bunker. 

Jack’s out doing god’s work, too busy to stop by regularly. 

They haven’t had to use their free will against demons often. And if they do, it’s mostly easy cases. Nothing world altering or really life threatening. It’s been quite… well, Sam doesn’t like to call it boring. But sometimes he misses the thrill of it all.

“It’s nothing,” Dean says, voice measured. 

Sam looks a little closer. “Dude, you’re literally bleeding.”

Dean has wrapped a white towel around his left hand but a thick red stain is spreading on it quickly. 

“It’s just a flesh wound, I was cooking… I’ll just go to the medicine cabinet…”

But Cas has already dropped his books and caught up to his side. Dean stiffens when Cas takes a hold of his arm.

Sam frowns. Something’s been off between those two, ever since Jack pulled Cas out of the Empty and dropped him off at the bunker.

That whole reunion had been… a little awkward, really. Sam had hugged Cas tightly, thrilled to see his friend safe. But behind him, Dean had just quietly stared at Cas. 

Maybe something weird went on between those two, right before Cas vanished. Dean hadn’t exactly been talkative about it. And Sam hadn’t insisted. He figured they’d probably had a fight.

But to see Dean just nod shortly at Cas when he turned out alive and well? That was so unlike him. It must’ve been a devastating fight, then, Sam decided. Best to let time heal the wounds.

“Cas-”, a strained Dean says, trying to pull away.

But Cas pays his protest no mind. He holds Dean’s forearm with one hand, clamping down on it like a prison chain. With his other hand, he unwraps the towel slowly.

Damn it. It can’t be _that_ painful, but Dean is trembling like a newborn puppy. 

Cas locks his hand into Dean’s upturned palm, and allows his grace to flow through until it’s healed. 

Sam can only barely make out the white glow because they are so close. His brother stares at their connected hands well after the wound has disappeared, with such concentration as if he is desperately holding something in. 

Sam shifts uncomfortably in his chair. Neither Cas nor Dean is looking at the other, they’re just both frowning at their hands, completely still as if they’re posing for a painting.

Eventually, Cas retreats his hand, and Dean looks at him with so much intensity that Sam swears he’s about to burst into flames.

But then the moment is gone. Dean just turns and walks out, opening and closing his hand a few times as if to shake something that’s stuck there. 

Cas watches him leave, and doesn’t say another word that whole evening.

  
  
  


2.

  
  


The second time it happens, they’re on a hunt. It’s a few weeks later and Sam is happy as hell to be out of that bunker. 

Just living with Dean and Cas can drive a grown man a little crazy, that’s all. They haven’t been talking to each other, with Cas often leaving the room whenever Dean comes in. Or the other way around.

God, it’s like living with rival teenage girls sometimes.

So Sam is happy when they find an easy enough case to bond over. A nest of vampires, it seems, has been attacking families and cutting off tongues. After a bit of old fashioned investigation, they’ve tracked them to a barn. 

The fight is simple enough, they behead a few of them, slice through another, work together to fight them just like the good old times. 

Until Dean swings his knife a little too freely and ends up giving himself a nasty cut in the thigh.

“Oh, shit,” he says, dropping the knife at once. It clatters on the barn floor. 

Sam pulls back his silver machete from the last vampire’s head, and looks behind him to see Cas instinctively rush to Dean’s side. 

Dean has slid down against a wooden pillar, holding his thigh where blood is quickly spreading.

Sam frowns. Since when is Dean so delicate about a little blood? He’s seen Dean take a lot of hits in his life - some Sam administered himself, regrettably - and he always took it with teeth clenched and head held high. 

“Cas-,” Dean says, and it’s the first time Sam has heard him say that name in weeks. If he didn’t know better, Sam would say he sounded _heartbroken_. “Please, I…”

“Sit still, Dean,” Cas says, dropping down to his knees beside him. 

The knife has ripped part of Dean’s jeans, revealing a patch of skin, soaked in blood. 

Dean grunts as the angel rests both hands on his thigh. They both breathe heavily while the wound slowly disappears, like a mouth closing.

Sam almost looks away, that’s how intimate it looks, his brother and the angel, skin on skin. 

Oddly enough, Dean suddenly moves his right hand on top of Cas’ hands. 

Cas seems to stop breathing. 

Dean takes an excruciatingly long time to find his words - Sam almost wants to speak up, but the moment looks so tense that even a cough would sound like a ricocheting pebble in a cave. 

Dean doesn’t look at the angel, not even one second, only at their hands. Then, heavily: “Thank you, Cas.”

There’s only silence after that, silence as they walk to the Impala, silence as they drive home, only silence and glances and hitched breathing and it drives Sam all but crazy.

  
  





  
  


The third time is just ridiculous, really. It’s exactly one week after the vampire hunt and Sam is on a video call with Eileen in the living room. Cas is lounging with a book in a chair nearby, when Dean stumbles into the room. 

“Just a second, love,” Sam signs to Eileen. “Something is going on with Dean.”

Eileen nods, and Sam looks over the top of his laptop, eyes focusing on Dean’s fingers clenching his own side with a pained grimace on his face. 

“Cas, I…” Dean starts, and Cas is on his feet immediately. “I accidentally put a staple in my side.”

Sam laughs loudly, earning a confused look from Eileen and a murderous one from Dean. 

Sam quickly spells the word ‘staple’ for Eileen, points to his side, and makes a crying face. 

Despite this perfectly clear re-enactment, Eileen frowns. Sam turns the laptop around so she can watch the frankly embarrassing scene play out live with him. 

Cas walks up to Dean, who’s still holding onto his side as if he’s drowning and it’s a piece of wood floating in the ocean.

“Show me,” Cas commands. He only briefly makes eye contact with Dean. 

Dean swallows. 

“I stapled myself here…” He starts lifting his shirt. 

“ _How_ ,” Sam yells, exasperated. 

“I was in the craft room…” Dean says, shooting him a dark look. 

Sam is pretty sure he’s losing his mind. 

“And you forgot you’re not a piece of paper, assbut?”

“Shut it, bitch.”

But then Dean’s expression softens all at once, when Cas puts his fingers on him uncertainly. His lips part to release shaky breaths.

Sam can’t even see blood, for fuck’s sake. 

Dean lifts up his shirt even higher, and Cas freezes. 

Sam can see a faint blush spread to his brother’s ears. 

What the-

Then, Cas pinches his eyes closed and a white glow emanates from his fingers. 

They both breathe in heavy unison. 

“Do you need a dinosaur bandaid or something?” Sam says loudly. 

This startles Cas, who quickly straightens and takes a step back, avoiding both the brothers’ eyes. 

“Fuck off,” Dean tells Sam, but it’s Cas who flinches at the words. 

Dean turns his head back to Cas, licks his lips, takes a breath, starts to say something but then reconsiders.

He walks out.

Only a few seconds later, Cas leaves through the other door, and Sam turns the laptop back around.

“Did you see what I have to deal with in here?” Sam signs, hoping to persuade Eileen to return from her hunt sooner. 

“Oh my God,” Eileen signs, her eyes sparkling with laughter. 

“I know right, no idea what just happened,” Sam replies, shrugging. 

Eileen frowns, still smiling. 

“My sweet dummy, don’t you know? They’re in love.”

  
  


4.

  
  


The fourth time Sam isn’t as clueless anymore. He’s talked about it with Eileen extensively, first over video chat and then later as they were laying in bed.

Granted, he’s had to get used to the idea a bit. He’s just never seen his brother like that, you know? He always thought… apple pie life, you know?

But that apple pie life is just with Cas, Eileen explained to him.

And it does make a lot of sense. Cas after all has always claimed his bond with Dean was more profound. And Dean hasn’t properly dated in years. He’s always been devastated whenever they lost Cas. 

Dean isn’t exactly one to talk about his feelings. But god, Sam hopes Dean didn’t think Sam would laugh at him if he confided in him.

Sam can’t help but giggle a bit now, though, as Dean is clutching his shoulder with a grimace when he walks into the television room.

Sam pauses the news.

“Cas,” Dean says, and immediately the angel rises from his seat. Ever the dutiful soldier. 

They hold each other’s gaze. 

Sam taps his fingers impatiently.

“Cas, I think I’ve…. dislocated my shoulder.”

Sam sighs. How did that even happen?

Still, better than breaking news. 

“You have to be more careful, Dean,” Cas says, keeping eye contact this time. 

It’s clear Cas has been gathering his courage as if he’s been charging a battery. 

Sam quietly shakes his head to himself. Now that Eileen has opened his eyes, he doesn’t know how he’s been this blind. 15 _years_ this mutual foolishness went on.

Dean bites his bottom lip. “I’m sorry, Cas,” he says quietly, and it’s almost as if he’s not even talking about a shoulder anymore. 

Cas crosses the room to him, and Sam curses himself for having to watch these two idiots with his own two eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” Dean forces out the words like air being slowly released from a balloon. 

Cas swallows, and leans into Dean, their chests touching as Cas lifts his arm over Dean’s good shoulder to reach the bad one sideways.

Sam almost snorts.

It’s _completely_ unnecessary.

Sam knows a hug when he sees one.

From his vantage point, he can see Dean pinch his eyes closed as Cas wraps his other arm across his lower back. There is a trace of great pain across his face, and Sam doubts it has anything to do with his shoulder. Slowly, during the healing embrace, Dean moves his good arm to rest his hand on Cas back, and a small whimper escapes Dean when the touch lands. 

They are like clay figures pressing into each other to make a new shape.

Then, Cas pulls back, and Dean keeps his gaze firmly on the floor. 

Cas, clearly at a loss for what to do, chooses his usual course of action - walking out the door. 

Sam is very close to ripping his own hair out.

Dean watches Cas go, quietly.

Sam clears his throat, and Dean’s looks at him like a child caught sneaking around. 

“You know Cas doesn’t have to actually touch people to heal them, right?”

For a few long seconds, Dean glares at Sam. Without a word, he walks out.  
  





  
  


The fifth time, Sam accidentally witnesses it. 

Well, ‘accidentally’.

He’s just getting ready for the night with Eileen when he suddenly hears voices in the hallway. So he reluctantly gets out of bed, in his warm winter pj’s and slippers. He peeks outside, mostly hidden inside his own doorway. A little further down, Dean and Cas are standing in the hallway that’s shrouded in patches of shadows. They’re right by Cas’ door.

“It’s the dumbasses,” he signs to Eileen.

She’s in her crossbow patterned pj’s, half covered under the blankets, and lays her book aside giddily. 

“Can you tell me what’s happening?” She signs. “It will be too dark for me to lip read.”

Sam nods seriously. It feels like they’re on a spy mission. 

“Dean stopped Cas right before entering his room, I think,” he signs. 

“Drama queens,” Eileen smiles. 

At that moment, Dean steps into a more well-lit part of the hallway as he leans closer to Cas. There’s blood on his lips.

“How... did you do that?” A startled Cas asks. 

“His lips are hurt!” Sam signs.

“You’re kidding??” Eileen responds, laughing out loud now, and Sam moves a finger to his lips. 

Possibly his eye roll is louder, though.

But the two are too preoccupied in their own weird little scenario to pay them any mind. 

Dean fiddles with his fingers. “Walked into a cupboard.”

Sam translates for Eileen, who just shakes her head incredulously. Almost simultaneously so with Cas, who has one hand on his doorknob still.

Dean reaches over and touches that hand.

“Please-,” it’s almost a whisper. 

As funny as this is, something tugs at Sam’s heart. His brother looks so incredibly lost.

Cas briefly closes his eyes, then opens them bravely and raises trembling hands. But the very moment he cradles Dean’s face, Dean lifts his own hands instinctively. It’s too much. The hands turn into fists and crunch up the front part of Cas’ shirt, pushing the angel up against the door like a butterfly being pinned to the board. 

Cas swallows, and even straddled, he bravely pushes through. He closes his eyes and moves his thumb over Dean’s lips.

“What’s happening?” Eileen signs.

Sam quickly signs, eyes glued to the devastating scene. 

Cas opens his eyes again and slowly lets go of Dean’s face.

Dean, however, doesn’t let go. He breathes heavily, fists still holding on tight to the fabric, swallowing and swallowing words.

It’s Cas who speaks next.

“I can’t do this anymore, Dean.”

Dean releases a shaky sigh, and looks away. 

After a long pause, during which he can’t seem to stop his hands from shaking against Cas, he releases only two words from his lips. 

“Why not?”

“Don’t,” Cas says in a low voice. There is an anger in it that Sam’s never heard before.

Dean drops his arms, as if released from a sick spell. 

“Cas told Dean to stop,” Sam signs to Eileen. When he glances back, Dean is alone. “Now he’s gone into his room, I think he’s angry. And Dean is just staring at the door like he’s going to open it with demonic telekinesis.” 

Eileen sighs deeply. 

“You know he’s doing it on purpose, right?”, she signs.

Something drops in Sam’s stomach. 

He snaps his neck back to Dean. 

No.

He promptly takes a couple of large strides to Dean, who looks at him like a wounded deer caught in headlights. Before he can react, Sam grabs his dumb brother by his dumb collar and pushes him inside Dean’s own room. 

Sam slams the door closed behind him and turns to a confused Dean trying to find his footing. 

“Are you hurting yourself on purpose?”

Dean’s eyes grow wide.

“Tell me!” Sam yells, slamming Dean into the door now. He moves close to him. 

But Dean just stares back, eyes tightening, jaw clenching. 

“Don’t be an idiot, Dean!” Sam tells him off, and releases him with a large, frustrated sigh. “Holy shit, I never knew you were this desperate!”

At that, Dean flinches, and Sam immediately regrets his words. He closes his eyes briefly and tries to calm the anger coursing through his veins. 

They’re not their father.

“Dean,” he says, voice much softer. “Talk to me, I’m your _brother_.”

“I don’t need you to- to take care of me, Sam,” Dean shakes his head defiantly. 

“Yes you do, damn it Dean. I’m not a kid anymore. Now, we take care of _each other_.”

Dean holds his gaze, shoulders tense, trying to breathe through something. And Sam really does want to tell his brother that it’s okay, he can be who he is and he can love who he loves. But that’s just not the type of conversations they have, not the type of brothers they are. And in a way, yes, maybe Sam had hoped Dean would open up spontaneously.

So if he has to keep a silence going for three days in this damn room, to evoke that spontaneity, then he will.

He looks at Dean with a look of challenge. 

But then, Dean catches him completely off guard.

“He said he loves me,” Dean says, angrily.

“What?”

God, it’s even worse than he thought!

They’re actual idiots.

Dean’s face contorts for just a split second before anger takes over again. 

“The bastard said he loved me, and then he let the Empty just _take him_ because he was happy just _saying_ that to me, do you know how damn stupid that is?”

Dean closes his eyes, fighting against a demon Sam can’t see. 

“Dean,” Sam says, but then reconsiders. He needs to proceed carefully, here, if Eileen and him are ever going to find peace. 

He walks up to Dean’s bed and sits down.

“Come here for a second, please.”

Dean scoffs, but walks over. He sits down, legs spread and elbows leaning on knees. He lets out another shaky breath, absentmindedly rubbing his lips. 

“Now he’s just ignoring it, Sam.”

Sam has to refrain from physically strangling his brother.

“Dean, have you considered…”

Sam looks up to the ceiling, as if to pray, but the god above? Even less experienced in matters of the heart, unfortunately. 

“... that it’s _your_ turn?”

Dean glances at Sam, anger still fuming from his eyes, but now mixed with a little surprise. 

Sam wonders if there is perhaps an ancient manuscript in the library detailing how to be a good ally to your queer brother without permission to use any of the relevant vocabulary. Like a messed up version of Time’s Up.

“Or did you - am I wrong? Did you say it back, Dean?”

It takes a long time for Dean to even move a muscle. 

Then, quietly. “I didn’t, man.” 

Sam nods. To the air, because his brother’s eyes are aimed straight to the floor. 

“I think he…” Dean pauses. “It doesn’t matter, he’s clearly changed his mind.”

Sam stands up, because this is too much to ask of him without punching his brother. Then Cas would have to heal that dumb man again and he doesn’t wanna torture the angel any further. 

“Just _ask_ , assbut,” Sam says, raising his voice. “Talk to him!” 

He paces to the door. This was enough to drive a good man crazy.

But as his hand turns the doorknob, Sam hesitates and slowly turns around. 

“Dean?”

He waits until Dean looks up from the bed. With expectant eyes, Dean silently waits, that familiar emotionless mask almost back in place. 

But Sam can’t be fooled. His big brother has never looked so small. 

Sam sighs. 

I love you, he signs.

That much sign language, Dean has learned already.

A tension leaves Dean’s shoulders.

I love you, Dean signs.

  
  
  


+1.

The next morning, Sam, Eileen and Dean are having breakfast in the war room when Cas walks in.

All conversation halts.

Cas is carrying a suitcase.

Dean stares at it with frightful eyes.

“Where are you going?” Eileen asks, concern creeping into her voice.

Cas turns to her so she can read his lips. “I don’t know yet. There’s a whole world to see, people to meet. I might visit heaven. Jack offered me a job when he first saved me...”

He glances at Dean briefly. “I might finally take him up on it.”

His eyes are a darker blue than Sam remembers Cas having.

“You can’t…” Dean says, but then, he looks at his hands and balls them into fists. No more words come out.

“Cas, we’ll miss you,” Sam helps. “You know you are welcome to stay here as long as you like.”

Dean looks absolutely tortured by the long silence that follows. 

“Alright, I’ll… I’ll go then.” Cas says eventually. 

Sam is not entirely sure how to proceed. Really, this is not his place, not his wrong to set right. 

He frowns at Dean and gestures toward Cas, but Dean just glares.

When they hear the door upstairs slam close, Eileen jumps up from her chair.

“Boys!” She exclaims, seemingly at the end of her wits.

Sam blinks at her, surprised. 

So does Dean. 

Eileen walks over to him and puts her hands on both his shoulders. “Dean, did you know hearing people also have _sign language_ but they’re just too stupid to read it?”

Dean frowns, confused. She sighs, exasperated. 

“Dean, wake up! Cas sacrificing his life while telling you he loves you, is a sign! Cas always leaving his room an hour before you usually wake up just to turn up the heating? A sign!”

She shakes Dean’s shoulders desperately.

“Cas keeping the pantry stocked with your favorite cornflakes? A sign! Cas healing all your stupid little wounds by touching you gently even though he doesn’t even have to touch you? Guess what! Think!”

“A…. sign?

“Dean. _Think_. Cas doesn’t need to pack a suitcase and walk out of here. He’s an angel, he can just zap away.”

Comprehension slowly dawns on Dean. 

Sam and Eileen watch as he rushes up the stairs, taking two steps with each stride.

Then they have to exchange only one look before they rush to the surveillance room. On several of the screens, there is live footage of Dean and Cas.

Cas is standing near the door, with his suitcase planted next to him. Dean is blocking his way out, talking. They’re about a foot apart still. Close but far.

Sam turns on the sound of the closest camera and translates for Eileen.

“Cas, please. Don’t leave again.”

Cas shakes his head. “You don’t have to fulfill your human obligation of politeness with me, Dean.”

Dean smiles sadly. “When have I ever been polite?”

Cas lift his chin high. “I’m tired of pretending, Dean.”

For a minute, Sam thinks the microphone has stopped working, because absolutely no sound emanates from the machinery. And now that he thinks of it, maybe the camera has stopped working too, because the image has frozen on Dean staring at Cas like a 1920s movie star. 

Then, Dean unclenches his jaw. 

“Cas,” he forces the word out as if each letter burns his tongue. 

It’s the most yearnful Sam has ever heard that name spoken.

“I thought for a long time that _you don’t have to say it_ ,” Cas says. “That it was fine. We could just pretend and move on.”

Dean looks down at his hands. 

“Pretend what?” he says, softly. “I never…”

“You hurt me, Dean,” Cas says, suddenly his face filled with emotion.

Sam and Eileen lean closer to the screen. He’s never looked more _human_. 

Dean finally looks Cas in the eyes.

Cas continues. “When I came back, it was like you saw a ghost. You clearly thought you’d never see me again. Maybe - maybe _hoped_. And I’ll admit, if it hadn’t been for my deal with the Empty, and Billie about to kill us, I’d never have…”

Cas pauses, mind elsewhere. When he proceeds, he sounds angrier. “But I did. And it changed you, Dean. You barely look at me. You don’t want me to touch you unless I heal you, unless you can use me… and then lately… And _last night_. You just expect me to touch your lips?” 

Dean slowly shakes his head.

“I never took you for a cruel man, Dean.”

Eileen gasps when Sam translates that line for her.

Dean looks downright struck. If Sam didn’t know better he'd think his brother was about to faint. He keeps closing his eyes and then opening them again, trying to find words, to name things he’s perhaps never dared to name, not even once.

“Cas. I’m…” Dean’s voice breaks. 

Cas looks like he’s bracing for impact.

“I’m sorry.”

The tear on his cheek seems to take Cas by surprise. 

“I tried so damn hard to tell you. Every time I saw you. I waited for the right words, the right time. And I just about died every time you touched me. It killed me to have you heal me, and at the same time, I wanted it so hard.”

Dean falls silent, struggling against the next words, failing.

“Truth is, I wanted _you_.”

Sam blinks at the screen. Now Cas is the one who looks like he’s about to faint.

Bunch of dumbasses.

“And I’m sorry it took me until now to say it,” Dean says, closing his eyes firmly. “I didn’t know. I didn’t _know_! But of course… of course I love you.” 

Nothing but the sound of breathing. And then, a whimper, though Sam is unsure who exactly made the sound.

Dean is still holding his eyes closed.

Cas’ soul appears to have ascended on the spot. 

Then, Dean seems to gather all his courage and slowly opens his eyes. He lifts a trembling hand, and puts it on Cas’ cheek, as if he wants to heal him. 

With a soft kiss, he does.

  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Pretty sure that at this point, Eileen turns off the monitor with a huge smile...
> 
> This was my first 5 + 1 :) I had a lot of fun wrlting it!
> 
> Kudos and comments are ummm very much appreciated though no pressure of course. Thanks either way for reading until the end!


End file.
